Questions for the day:
- What is your definition of a friend?
- Who are your friends?
- Why are they your friends?
- Are you guys growing emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually?
Before we can even begin talking about someone being a friend to us, it is vital that we ask ourselves this question “Am I a friend? Sometimes, it is so easy for us to want others to be good friends to us but the truth of the matter is that sometimes we are not good friends to them. It is important that we evaluate ourselves and those we surround ourselves with. We are reminded in 1 Corinthians 15:33 that, Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.” You can’t expect to grow when you are constantly hanging around people who aren’t nurturing or willing to see you grow. You might have been friends with certain people for a long period of time but as time passed, you realized that your relationship with that person started to drift apart. As much as you have talked to that person about the distant changes, you still see no changes in your relationship. To be honest, at this point you need to understand that the season that person was in your life is over. Yes, there are instances that people who drift apart can reconnect later on down the line but it is very important to let that person go. It is very important for you to be aware of the people you are hanging around with because they can aid or hinder in your growth as an individual. Many times, we start to develop some of the bad habits and characteristic traits our friends have without knowing it. Until someone stops us in our tracks, we will continue to cultivate these habits. Understand that it is okay to re-evaluate your circle. As you continue to grow, you’ll grow apart from certain people naturally. This does not mean that they weren’t good friends but you’ll come to understand that everyone serves a purpose in your life. Some people are in your life for a season and others for a lifetime. The people you surround yourself with can be a reflection of who you are to a certain degree.
Characteristics To Look For In A Friend:
- Iron Sharpens Iron
- Good Listener
- Non- Judgemental
- Goal Oriented
- Hard working
- Down To Earth
Types of Friendships:
- Godly Friendships: Christ Based; Self-less (Purpose driven)
- Worldly Friendships: Focused On Self (If you do this for me, then I will do the same for you. It’s more of a competition than willingness to see each other grow.
Categories/Classifications In Friendships
According to author S. L. Young, there are individuals within our social circles, who aren’t necessary our friends but are as follows:
- Acquaintance or Associate: there is familiarity with someone, but there isn’t a personal relationship.
- Appendage: friendly because there’s a possibility that an individual’s success will help them.
- Conditional: a requirement placed on a relationship that’s dependent on a certain need being met.
- Counterfeit: gives the impression of being a friend, but isn’t someone who can be trusted.
- Evaluative: determines the significance of a relationship based on the last thing(s) provided or done.
- Fair-Weather: disappears during a time of need, but will return once a bad time or situation passes;
- Leech: drains an individual of their energy, essence, or desire to move forward;
- Occasional: friendly during certain times, but suddenly stops being friendly without any reason or notice. At a later time, the person will be friendly (again) on their terms.
- Negative: considers themselves to be a friend, but is always pessimistic about things related to the friendship or the things that their friend does.
- Noncommittal: goes back-and-forth on their belief(s), support, assistance, etc.
- Situational: an individual suddenly becomes friendly once a certain event occurs that there might be a personal benefit.
- Spiteful: jealous of someone’s efforts to achieve or actual success;
- Toxic: gives an impression of providing support, but actively works to undermine their efforts.
After reading this, do you identify yourself with some of these characteristic traits? If so, what are some ways you are willing to change?
Are you the type of friend you are looking for in a friend?
What are some ways you can grow physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually?
What category would you place your friendships? (Godly or Worldly)
Are you afraid to talk to your friends about God? If so, why not?
Do your friendships glorify God?
Are your friendships comprised of gossiping, negativity and etc?
Before reading this post, did you know the difference between worldly/Godly friendships?
Lessons Learned In My Personal Walk (Friendships)
- Your friends from high school aren’t necessary going to be your buddies forever.
- You will drift apart from certain friends. It hurts but later on, you’ll understand that the dynamic of your friendships have changed. This doesn’t mean that they are bad people but understanding that their season in your life is over.
- Learn to prioritize. If people don’t prioritize you, you don’t have to do the same. So pretty much if you are always the one reaching out and trying to maintain a friendship and the other person isn’t making effort, learn to take a seat. Reach out to them but don’t continue to stretch yourself out to the point where you get worn out. Do your friends only call you when they need something? Express how you feel about your friendship. If you see the same patterns, it is a sign that it’s time to let go.
- Learn to pray/reach out to your friends. Just because you text someone and they say that “they are fine” doesn’t always mean they are. Do your best to check up on them even though they may not do it as often as you do. If you can, call them or meet up if you can.
- Not everyone has the same heart as you. What you are willing to do for others may not necessary mean they are willing to do the same for you.
- Learn to communicate how you feel to your friends and those you love. Express your thoughts in regards to a situation. If you feel that what your friend say or did to you was hurtful, let them know. Don’t walk around like it’s cool because you want to squash the situation.
- Confrontation is good. It isn’t as bad as many people think of it. It’s all about how you say things and approach it. It’s also important to know the person you are dealing with. I will definitely say from experience that when you are going to meet a person that you have a problem with or haven’t seen in a while, pray about it. “Lord I come before you as I am. I lift Moriah into your hands. I thank you for this meeting we will have. I pray that your presence will be at our meet-up. Help me to speak in love. In Jesus name, I pray. Amen
- Your friends (friends) aren’t necessarily your friends.
- Understand that some people are seasonal types of friends. They played a purpose in your life and that’s what matters. Perspective is key. The longer you prolong someone’s season in your life, the more you miss the purpose the were in your life. Some friends drift apart naturally. Other times, you have be the person to separate from them.
- Know your friends. Understand that just because you are willing to call someone or check up on your friends every week doesn’t mean they are willing to do the same. This doesn’t mean that they aren’t your friends. You just have to understand that life happens. We all have responsibilities and as much as it will be great for your friends to check up on your as least once or twice or month, let’s be honest that we have friends who reach out once every 3 months.
- Listen to what people are saying but also listen to what they are not saying. One of the greatest advice that someone gave me. People will talk but their action will speak louder than their words.
- Be careful who you share your information with. Do you find yourself always sharing your information with your friends but they never share anything with you? Like the only information you know about them is their name, favorite color and their nationality?
- Learn to spend time with yourself. It’s okay to spend time in your own company. It’s not every day be around people. Even though this was not a problem for me, I find that quite a lot of people struggle with spending time alone.
- Understand that you can’t have friends exclusively for you. It’s interesting because someone I know mentioned that sometimes it hard for her because she doesn’t have friends that are exclusively her friends. Either the person she wants to be friends with is already friends with her friends. If that’s the case, go on and get to know people. Join organizations. Pray and allow God to bring people your way.
- As life goes, friendships will require more work. Those who are meant to be your friends will be, no matter how challenging life gets. Just like any relationship, it takes work. Your friendships should be natural. You don’t force it. From experience, I always try to maintain friendships. I’ve always had this type of mentality that no matter what season we are in, summer or winter, we are in it forever. So if that means I’m going to forgive you to maintain this friendship, then fine. Overtime, I’ve learned that you can’t continue to maintain friendships with people who aren’t willing to do the same. Friendship is a two way street, not a one way path. 🙂
- There are levels to friendship. Man, I just learned this concept this year. My friend will say this in our conversations but I just didn’t get it. For me, if your my friend, (your my friend). I don’t place you in no category. I didn’t understand it until my male friend mentioned the same thing as my female friend. My sister will say not everyone has keys to her hotel. Some people belong in the lobby, the parking lot and etc. This concept will really help you to understand that not everyone has the key to your heart. So my male friend described it as follows. (Level 1 Friendships: People you meet and have a conversation with (nothing deep). Level 2 Friendships: These people know things about you. They have met your family. If you didn’t have a place to live and needed a place to stay for like 3 months, you’ll be fine with it. Level 3 Friendship: These type of friendships are brotherly/sisterly love. You have a good relationship with these people. They are there for you. If you didn’t have a place to live and wanted to stay with them for a year, it is completely fine with them.
- Not everyone you encounter is meant to be a part of your life. Some encounters must stop at hello.
- Never stop being who you are because how people have treated you in the past.
- Make room in your heart for the people God will bring in your life. Not everyone that comes in your life is there to hurt you but everyone serves a purpose in your life.
- Celebrate. Encourage. Reach Out. Pray for your friend’s at all times. Live, love, laugh and cherish every moment 🙂
Thank you for stopping by my blog. I do hope that you can take away one or two things from this post. Have a lovely day 🙂
PC: Book: Friends (Rosa Guy)
At the start of this year, I started a project which entailed of me asking people who are much older than me this question “What advice will you give your younger self?” It’s been quite interesting the responses I have received by far. In the month of March, I documented all the responses I received and shared it with you all. Today, I will be sharing part two (responses with you all from (April – July).
- Trust God
- Your beautiful
- Value your friendships, family/relationships
Kwame: April 19th, 2017
- Stay focused
- Have more confidence
- Think through before making decisions
- Don’t compromise
Bichelle: April 21st.2017
- Follow your instincts
- Stick to what you believe
- You are beautiful
- Be selective of the men you chose. (70+ years old)
- Don’t be hard on yourself. Don’t be afraid to make mistakes.
- Get saved
-Your dreams will take a longer time to happen but it will happen eventually so you were worried for nothing.
-Dear younger self, next time pick up that call from Jesus earlier. You kept running from all those ladies he sent you in high school. But i am happy I eventually got your attention said Jesus.
-You worry too much about what people think and missed out on a lot because you were afraid you’d offend someone. Next time, let’s start not worrying about what others would say or do. Just be worry what the Lord God thinks.
-Listen to my instinct
-If a man says he doesn’t want you, he really means it. Don’t try to change him.
-Mothers are mostly right.
-Follow your passion not what your parents want you to do for them.
- Know the Lord earlier
- Patience. If you don’t have patience and if someone wants to get to know you, you’ll miss out. Don’t judge before knowing a person. Deep down the person may be the person for you.
- To know myself better
- Don’t marry someone who is so much older than you. Find someone you can have fun with. When someone is so much older than you, sometimes, there isn’t any chemistry/no relationship between you and the person.
Carrie (Waitress) : 7/28/2017
- Don’t give up your virginity before marriage. I wish I could have waited.
- Don’t take in what people say. Be wise. Don’t be easily deceived. There’s a lot of darkness out there. The heart is deceitful.
- Put God first. The best wisdom is from God. Continue to study his word.
- Life is a journey. You live and you learn.
- Write in your journal more often.
- Learn to spend with yourself. You don’t have to go everywhere with someone just because they send you a text asking if you can go somewhere with them.
- Time is an essence. A precious gift, you can never get back.
- Your friend’s (friends) aren’t necessarily your friends.
- Seek God in all your earthly doings. Cultivate a relationship with God. Sweet oh Jesus.
- Know your worth. Don’t settle for anything. (You are an asset. Know what you bring to the table. You are an addition to someone’s life, not a subtraction. If they don’t appreciate you, that’s their problem. “Sister’s Advice to Me”
- Understand that some friends are in your life for a season. People grow apart and though it’s painful, such is life.
- Don’t be afraid to venture out to try new things. Get out of your comfort zone.
- Spend time with your family. Create memories with them. Take lots of pictures & Record videos with them. Interview your parents. Ask them about their childhood/advice they would give to their younger self. It’s been amazing doing this so trust me, make the most out of it. Like my mom/dad says “Life is too short”. We are alive by God’s grace so make the most out of each day you are granted 🙂
- Waking up in the morning is a gift/testimony despite how you are feeling. Someone didn’t wake up. Be grateful.
- Every trial that we face in this lifetime serves as a purpose. Though we may not understand every situation, there is always a lesson if we pay attention.
- Be careful who you share your information with. Not everyone has a good interest at heart.
- Don’t take yourself too seriously. Laugh often.
- Don’t give people the power over you.
- Continue being yourself. Kind you are. Caring you are. Never change who you are because of how people have treated you.
- Save your money. This is not something that was difficult for me because I love to save but it may be a reminder to someone else.
- Speak life into your situation. Pray about everything. I mean everything. Get in the position where you can pray at all times. God is listening. He is closer than you think.
- Prioritize. If people don’t prioritize you, you don’t have to do the same for them.
- Don’t stress over things. Things will eventually work out for you. God has your back.
- Read books. Never stop educating yourself outside of the classroom.
- Stay Focused On Your Goals. Don’t make excuses because time surely flies and before you know it, all that you had set for yourself has not been accomplished.
- Embrace the season your’e in. Nothing is permanent. Continue to live, love, learn. Be your authentic self 🙂
Cheers to what lies ahead of us all. Have a lovely day 🙂 xoxo
What is Curlfest? It is a festival where women/men of all race/nationalities come together to celebrate their roots.
Yesterday was actually my first time at CURLFEST. It took place in Prospect Park, Brooklyn, NY. I went with my sister’s friend. Upon arriving, we had to find a parking spot which took a while to find but eventually we found one. It was my third time in Brooklyn. The park was really big. There were families sitting down reading a book or trying to catch a fish. We got to the designated location for the festival within 15 minutes. All I can say is wow. It was so packed and to top it off, it was so humid. The connection was horrible at the park. A friend of mine was already at the event and it took us at least an hour before we were able to find each other. By that time, I was frustrated. Overall, I really enjoyed attending CURLFEST. I didn’t get the chance to attend last year because I found out about it after it took place. I enjoyed meeting some Youtubers and also being able to capture the moments. I took quite a lot of pictures, I would like to share with you all. I loved the atmosphere but I would have to say that I wish there were more discussions focused on men and their textures. I didn’t even hear any conversations about natural hair. Definitely, Shea moisture had their own set up where they were actually twisting people’s hair and educating young females about taking care of their hair. I saw a few people I knew from college and that was a beautiful feeling. I enjoyed walking around, checking out the different vendors and taking pictures of various people. If you are thinking about going next year, all I can say is GO AHEAD! You don’t want to miss the experience. Bring your camera, have a portable charger, and come ready to have a good time. CURLFEST is FREE.
©: Karen Owusu
Hey ya’ll. I hope your doing well on this lovely Friday. Today I’m bringing to you all the best clothing websites to shop at whether it be dresses, shoes, or accessories. I find it sad when people don’t like telling a sister where they got that beautiful dress or shoe they are wearing. Honestly, I don’t think it’s a big deal but at the same time, I do understand why certain females don’t like to tell their friends where they purchased their clothing. Most times, it’s because they don’t want to see their friend wearing the same clothing as them or they just want to slay better than them. Either ways, I don’t see the big deal. So below are some if not most of the sites most women use to purchase their dresses. Of course there are great in store places you can visit but this list is mainly entailed towards online purchases.
Many of you remember Lucy Yeboah, a young ambitious Ghanaian woman who raised thousands of dollars to volunteer in a water treatment program in Tamale, Ghana with the non profit organization Saha Global. Miss. Yeboah desires to continue serving Ghana’s impoverished population, as she anticipates to be crowned Miss Ghana USA 2017. If crowned, Miss. Yeboah will have the opportunity to implement her platform named “WaterMyLife Initiative”, which aims to raise awareness on the importance of consuming purified water and water-borne diseases
due to cholera e-coli contamination.
Lucy Yeboah is focused on educating more Ghanaians on how the quality of a person’s health and life-expectancy can vary based on the type of water he or she consumes. Would you believe that nearly 40 percent of Ghana’s 25 million population are denied the right to access safe drinking water? (Safe Water Network) This clearly reveals a violation to a basic human right because life depends and thrives on clean water.
Lucy Yeboah’s core mission is to amplify the voices of Ghana’s neglected communities.
“I hope the purpose behind my platform resonates with many around the world. When I witnessed the Ghana water crisis while working with Saha Global, I realized we all have a part in alleviating the problem. This pageant is a wonderful opportuity to bring the urgency regarding Ghana’s contaminated water crisis to a broader audience.
Of course your support will contribute to the implementation of the WaterMyLife Initiative.
But by helping fund my pageant expenses, you are encouraging me to focus on my purpose behind running as a contestant. I will not be financially burdened and worrisome. You are also allowing me to afford the necessary training and adornment required to make me the best performing contestant in the pageant. This ultimately contributes to the likelyhood of earning the title as Miss Ghana USA 2017 and implementing the WaterMyLife initiative.
Additionally, my parents are low-income, working class individuals, with three other younger children to care after. I refuse to burden them with stresses of fees that could instead be used to provide for my younger siblings.
Whoever is able to give, will certainly reap an abundant return. Remember, you are investing in me: a young woman, who simply desires to use her God-given gifts and talents to assist those who have been generationally and historically neglected.
By increasing the sustainable living for Ghana’s impoverished population, I will be able to fufill that exact purpose.
With or without a futile, my desire will continue to burn.
‘One person gives freely, yet gains even more; another withholds unduly, but comes to poverty. A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed.’ Proverbs 11:24-25
Thank you in advance!”