Its officially Day 1 of “The Heart Project. Welcome! If you are partaking in this challenge, hooray 🎈. If you are new and aren’t familiar with what “The Heart Project is all about, please take a look here The Heart Project: Week 1 ❤️ .
In today’s segment, we are going to be focusing on the topic “Un-Forgiveness”. Let us first start by taking a look at what forgiveness means.
/ ˌfərˈɡivnəs/ : the action or process of forgiving or being forgiven.
What does it mean to forgive someone?For me, to forgive someone is to set yourself free from the entanglement of bondage. It also means to walk in freedom and not allow the pain that someone has caused to have power over your life.
What does the Bible say about forgiveness and un-forgiveness?
According to the Bible, God commands us to forgive another. Time and again, God tells us to love one another. We can’t love someone the way God tells us to when we keep records of all the pain they have caused us. In Ephesians 4:32, we are reminded that we ought “To be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other just as Christ forgave us”
When it comes to Un-forgiveness, the Bible makes it clear in Matthew 5:23-25 which says “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First, go and be reconciled with them; then come and offer your gift. Settle matters quickly with your adversary who is taking you to court. Do it while you are still together on your way, or your adversary may have you over the judge, and the judge may hand you over to the officer, and you may be thrown into jail.” There is a consequence for refusing to forgive others.
Why do people find it difficult to forgive others?
With all honesty, forgiveness is not an easy task. It’s not something that can be done in the natural. For many of us, if we didn’t have to forgive others for their offense, we wouldn’t at all. We will rather punish them so that they can taste their own medicine. Another reason why people find it difficult to forgive is because they focus so much on the offense for a long while that they cannot see themselves healing from the wounds. If they can walk around with the wound for everyone to see the bruises, they would do just that instead of going through the healing process. Many times, people find it difficult to forgive because they feel that if they forgive, they are letting that person off the chain. They can’t wrap their heads around why did need to forgive someone who doesn’t deserve it and someone they can never trust again.
What are some traits of an individual who hasn’t forgiven the one who caused the offense?
Some traits that come to mind of an individual that hasn’t forgiven someone includes bitterness, anger, continual repetition of the pain or situation, refusal to make amends with the offender, unable to sleep without the thought 💭 of the issue, upset when the persons name is mentioned or around.
A few things that the offender tends to say…
1. I can never forgive him or her.
2. I regret ever meeting him or her.
3. How can he or she do this to me after all that I have done for them?
*The list can go on.
At the moment, when you have a bruise, it is painful without a doubt. In the same way, when someone you call or friend or someone you love hurts you, it’s so difficult to wrap your head around why they went so far to hurt you. It’s okay to feel hurt. You are human but it’s not okay to hate that person. Hating someone is not going to turn back the hands of time and it’s not going to heal you.
What steps do I need to take to forgive the one who caused me pain?
First, you have to acknowledge that you are hurt. You have to get to the root of the issue. You will never heal when you don’t to do the groundwork. There’s a seed of bitterness, anger rooted in your soul. If you refuse to talk about it, you are burying the seed but the seed will always be there. Un-Forgiveness is a seed that needs to be uprooted. For many people, walking around pretending that they aren’t hurt soothe their souls until they see the person around their premises is when their smiles turn into frowns. Next, you need to bring the matter to God. That should be first but let’s be honest, when we are faced with situations, we try to analyze the situation for a long time that it builds up more unnecessary issues. It’s very important that we get to the point in our lives, where we can bring every matter to God. We must never allow any situation to get in between our relationship with God. Ask the Holy Spirit to help and teach you how to forgive others. Be specific about what you are feeling to the Lord. Take the time to pray continually. Lastly, if you can meet the person to discuss matters, feel free to in order to heal. Is it necessary for me to meet the person? Honestly, it is up to you. From experience, it helps a lot. It’s brings clarity to the situation and where you stand in that persons life. If you are not someone that likes confrontation, you can schedule a phone call with the person. You can write a letter to the person and give it to them or mail it.
Areas of Pain (In Need Of Forgiveness)
Abuse, Divorce, Parents, Church folks, Co-workers, Siblings, Family, Friendships, Relationships.
* Forgive Yourself
For the one who finds it difficult to forgive others.1. Why is it difficult for you to forgive?
2. Is it a pride issue? If you forgive, that person will be set free?
3. What are willing to do, in order to learn the concept of forgiveness?
4. Have you never hurt someone before?
For the one who hasn’t forgiven.
1. Who do you need to forgive?2. Why haven’t you forgiven?
3. Hasn’t God forgiven you of your sins?
4. What will it take for you to forgive?
5. Are your hurting aloud, in silence or walking in freedom?
Why does the person who caused me pain refuse to apologize and are living their lives while I’m hurting? Is God punishing me?
1. No one is going to stop living their lives because you are expecting an apology from them. Stop checking for updates on the one who caused you pain. Looking at their Snapchat’s will not heal your wounds any faster.
2. Some people will never apologize because it’s not in their nature to admit their wrongs. For a few, they may be aware of the hurt they have caused but shy away from confrontation. Many times, the offender has to tell the wrongdoer of the hurt they have caused. Inasmuch as it may seem like common sense, not everyone sees forgiveness in that way.
3. No, God is not punishing you but must learn to forgive. The healing process is necessary for you. Don’t prolong your healing process because you are waiting for an apology.
Am I an expect once I have forgiven someone multiple of times?
Forgiving someone is not the matter of becoming a master at it. You do learn many things as you journey along. Through your experiences, God can use you to speak to someone you know or don’t know who is struggling with the concept of forgiveness.
Verses To Ponder:
Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive us as the Lord forgave you. -Colossians 3:13
Come now, let us settle the matter, says the Lord. Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow. Though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool. Isaiah 1:18
The Lord our God it merciful and forgiving, even though we have rebelled against him. -Daniel 9:9
Who is like a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of his inheritance? You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy. You will again love compassion on us; you will tread our sins underfoot and hurl our iniquities into the depths of the sea. -Micah 7:18-19
Bible Readings on Forgiveness
The Samaritan Woman (John 4)
The Parable Of the Unmerciful Servant (Matthew 18:21-35)
The Parable Of The Lost Son (Luke 15:11-31)
“Forgiveness doesn’t make the other person right, it makes you free.” -Stormie Omartian
“When we forgive someone, it doesn’t make them right or justify what they have done. It releases them into God’s hands so He can deal with them. Forgiveness is actually the best revenge because it not only sets us free from the person we forgive but it frees us to move into all God has for us.” -Stormie Omartian
Prayer Points Examples:
1. Lord, I bring _______ into your hands. I am hurt be the pain _______ caused me. Teach me Lord to forgive ________. Thank you for forgiving me. I am not worthy to even come before your presence. So, help me God. In Jesus name. Amen 🙏🏿
2. Lord, I thank you that I can come to you. I admit that I am so upset at ________. The thought of what _________ did is so painful. I want to be at peace. I want to forgive but it is so hard. You word says with men it is impossible but with you all things are possible. So, teach me Lord. Help me to release everything to you. Reveal the areas where I need to forgive. In Jesus name. Amen 🙏🏿
3. Father, it is me (your name). Thank you for who you are. Thank you that I can come to you as I am. Lord I am hurt. I can’t wrap my head around what ______ did to me but I want to forgive. I want to be free. I want to be at peace but it is hard. My heart is troubled. I even feel pain at the thought and the mentioning of ________. Lord, please help me. Hear me cries Lord. I cannot do this on my own. I want to forgive but God some days, I would rather just sleep and forget the pain. Teach me how to genuinely forgive those who have hurt me. I release ________ into your hands. Thank you for our friendship (relationship). Lord have your way in this matter. In Jesus name. Amen 🙏🏿
For the one who has forgiven?
1. How does it feel to be free at last?
2. What are three things you would say to someone who needs to forgive someone in their lives?
3. Looking back, was it worth it not forgiving the one who hurt you?
Example of a time when it was difficult for me to forgive someone.
I had a friend who stopped talking to me for almost two years. We stopped talking because I refused to take a shot for her birthday. I don’t drink and she knew it. I only came to the birthday celebration to celebrate my friend. Well that was what I thought all along. It was really painful when we stopped talking because we had been friend for over 6 years. I was hurt and couldn’t wrap my head around the situation. Long story short, after trying time and again, I sought for advice and I met up with that person. I didn’t consider that person my friend at that point. Before our meet up, I prayed to God. I asked God to speak through me and for Him to have his way. It’s interesting because I had so much I wanted to say. My sister even advised me to write every point down but I wanted everything to flow from my heart. I ended up not saying the things I wanted to say such as “Is that how you treat your other friends?”. God knew exactly what he was doing. I received clarity on where I stood in that persons life. God gave me peace. Through that phase in my life, I learned that forgiveness doesn’t mean re-entry. You can forgive someone but you don’t have to tolerate them. Some people are toxic and they aren’t meant to be in your life. Some people are in your life for a season. You have to accept it. You can’t force anyone to remain in your life. Not everyone is connected to where God is taking you. God will bring the bring people in your life at the right place, and at the right time. Remember always, everyone you meet serves a purpose in your life.
Lead Me Holy Spirit: Stormie Omartian
Journal Entry #1:
What has been worrying you lately?
Poem for the one is still hurting and needs to forgive.
Cast you burdens unto the one who cares. Unto the one who hasn’t forgotten you. Unto the one who nailed your worries on the Cross of Calvary. Lay it all down, the hurt, the brokenness, the names of the one you haven’t forgiven. The ones whose words pierced your heart through the night. Come to the altar, lay it all down at the feet of your Savior. Abba Father, is waiting here for you.
Thank you for taking the time to read this blog post. Yes this blog post was very long. Sorry, I had to spill everything in regards to this topic. All in all, I am so glad that you are here, alive and breathing. If you have any book recommendation, feel free to leave them in the comment section. If you have any questions or prayer requests, please feel free to message me on 💌: beautyinmylanguage.gmail.com
Until next time, be the woman/man, God has created you to be. Bloom 🌻